swedish_rocker | New Beginnings and rekindling an old flame.

New Beginnings and rekindling an old flame.

Hans had met up with Vars and his new boyfriend Viktor whilst in Norway. The Swede had been pleased to catch up with Vars since he hadn't spoken to any of the Hammers face to face for a long time. How long had it been? Now, Hans and his younger brother, Bjorn, were on the way to LA along with Vars and Viktor to meet up with the rest of the Hammers and to meet two other bands; Ziggy and the Spiders from Mars and the Hell's Angels, Viktor's band. It would be good to get back with other musicians after spending some much time in rehab and Hans knew he could use all the company he could get. The months and years hadn't been easy and he'd often felt lonely or isolated from society after his stay in hospital following his near death experience. He'd overdosed on painkillers and Hunter, his ex-boyfriend had found it too much and had ran.

Hans still ached for Hunter in a way, even though the spark they had together was no longer there. He still missed the man though and the soft warm touches at night. But people moved on after months apart and Hans suspected Hunter had found another man. It was to be expected and the Swede bore no ill will towards his ex lover at all. Glancing to Vars, Hans then placed a hand on the man's shoulder as he felt nerves constrict his insides at meeting Hunter once more. Bjorn giggled and poked fun a little before getting a surly glare from Viktor. The Brit punk had attitude and Hans found him a little intimidating but nothing to the point of not liking the man. If Vars loved Viktor then Hans would find a friend in the fire-loving Brit. All the bands were a family and Hans knew this more than anyone. The question regarding Bjorn though---the young man was a live wire and loved to cause chaos and trouble wherever he went. Hopefully, Hans would be able to keep his brother out of anything bad.

He hoped.

"Well, it will be nice seeing Aarne and Rik again. Hunter---I missed him."

Hans swallowed hard and wondered how the man would even react.

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Rik's eyes went wide when he realized who was there, stammering and his cheeks tinging pink. He's in shock a little which as Aarne laughing.

"I could be. I just succeeded." Aarne informs him before turning toward Rik laughing. "You can talk."

Aarne is giggling but Rik puts down his guitar, near tossing it on the bed, before heading toward the guitarist. "Hans?"

Rik feels his cheeks redden as tears threaten.

Hans just stood there a little nervous about meeting Rik once more after such an absence but knew it would do him good to see the young man once more. The Dane looked a little shocked but this was to be expected since it had been a long time and Hans had nearly died.

"Hell again, Rik. Det er godt at se dig igen."

He switched to Rik's own language in the little Danish that he knew. It might be a little more comforting for the boy since hearing his old friend speak his language could help ease the meeting.

"Jeg hører, du spiller flere instrumenter. Du har også en flot kæreste."

Rik doesn't respond. He's too shocked and can only hug Hans tightly as he starts to cry. Rik always ran emotionally high and easily moved to tears. It had been so long.

"Jeg savnede dig." He just holds on to Hans like he might leave or might not be real.

"Rik..."

Hans doesn't know what to say other than the younger guitarist's name as he pulled the Dane into a tight bear hug. It had been way too fucking long. Too much shit had happened and now the Swede was near crying alongside his young friend. The emotion was running high between both men and just seeing Hunter, Hans knew he might buckle at the sight of the other Swede.

"Det er alt for længe siden."

Ignoring glances from around him, Hans just held the Dane close and sighed, patting the man's back.

To Rik this is like seeing family that he hadn't seen in years. For a time he just lingers in hug for a bit before pulling away to wipe his face and push his hair back. A few breaths and then he turns to Billy with a smile.

"Billy, this is Hans. He used to be in the Hammers with us." Rik thought he better clarify so Billy didn't get the wrong idea. Maybe this would be good though to ease Billy in since Rik wanted to see Ollie and knew he was in the states. If their tours crossed paths they had made plans to see each other.

"Billy? Nice to meet you. I'm guessing you are British like Viktor and Joe? I'm Hans Larsson, past guitarist for the Hammers as Rik just said. I trust you are getting into trouble together?"

Hans just shooting Rik a glance and noticing Billy a little unsure but nodding none the less, holding onto the Dane's hand and being polite. The older Swede glad to know that Rik had someone to love him like Billy. Being alone was never any fun.

"Rik and me, we used to be close family when I was with Hunter a few years ago. Guitar buddies you might say."

Rik gave Billy's hand a squeeze of reassurance as soon as he felt it slip into his. "Not like that."

Rik gave Billy a gentle elbow to the side and laughed before kissing Billy's cheek. "Hans helped me out a lot right after I had to leave home."

"Rik was my close friend back when Hunter took him in."

Hans wanted to ease the young Brit because he could tell by the look in Billy's eye that he was fiercely in love with Rik. It was endearing and cute. The Swede smiled at the affection between the two and was glad there was love now being showered by the Brit towards his Dane.

"How has the tour been going, boys? I am guessing it's been a crazy ride so far? America is a much different place than Sweden."

The Swede had noticed all the scantily clad women on the curb sides out on the strip and the consumption of alcohol in the streets. He no longer drank at all but realised L.A was a liberal state to say the least.

Rik was in love too. Anyone who knew him and saw how close he stood to the Brit would know where his heart was.

"It's been amazing to be around so many musicians." He was happier than he had been the last time he saw Hans. "Are you going to stay and play?"

Rik would definitely pull him onto the stage with them for a song or two. He hadn't realized that Hans hadn't seen Hunter yet.

"I'm not sure yet but I'm here for the tour so possibly. To get up on stage again---it's been a while."

Hans wouldn't hesitate to get back up onto the stage and play with Rik and the Hammers. There was just one thing stopping him; Hunter. He still hadn't met up with his past lover and the guilt and emotion were gnawing away at him even now. It felt awful. He needed to meet with the other Swede and talk. That's if Hunter even wanted to see him.

"I haven't caught up with Hunter yet."

The smile faded a little at the mention of the man's name.

"I miss all three of us on stage." Rik smiled and meant the two guitars and bass. It had been a riot then, that that it wasn't now too. Having Hans around was those first goof memories that Rik had made when he left home.

Rik gave Hans another gentle hug when he saw his expression fall. "You need to." Rik glanced at Billy and then at Aarne who nodded. "Come on. We'll all go."

Rik took Hans' hand, more like a kid would than a romantic, then he tugs Hans toward the door, glancing again at Billy to see if he wanted to come along.

"It was a good time, wasn't it? Us being guitarists and having Vars as bass and Aarne on drums. I loved the energy and Hunter he---"

Hans cut off, visibly torn up still over the singer. Even just thinking about those memories caused a throb inside of his heart and an aching feeling within the pit of his stomach. He had loved the very fibres of the man's being and had thrown it all away by trying to end it all.

"Yes--you're right. It's just been a long time is all."

The Swede nodding slowly, feeling himself being tugged towards the door. The Brit guitarist getting up and wanting to go with them because Rik was his boyfriend. Did they go everywhere together? Hans got that feeling and that was fine. It was nice for Rik to have someone like Billy.

"It turned my life around." Rik commented when he saw the pain in Hans' body language. He knew how hard this was because he felt it when he talked on the phone with Ollie about seeing each other in person. The good and the bad welled up and it got to be too much.

Once in the hallway Rik reached out and took Billy's hand while still holding on to Hans. He loved Billy's presence and imagined that Hans could use all the support he could as they approached Hunter's hotel room door. Aarne went ahead and knocked on it, then waited for an answer.

Hans didn't even know what to expect as he squeezed onto Rik's hand a little more firmly than intended since his heart was now in his mouth. Fuck. He was so nervous he could feel sweat beads begin to form underneath his shaggy mane of blond hair. Then the knocking happened.

...

Hunter was just about to pour himself another glass of red wine when he heard the knock at the door. Gilly was in the shower, having only stepped into the hot jets a few moments ago. The Swede filled his glass up quickly and then went to the door. Pulling it open the Swede immediately clapped eyes onto Hans and felt all the blood drain from his face. It was like he was seeing a ghost standing in front of him. Gasping, his wine glass slipped from his hand and smashed onto the floor making the carpet bleed a crimson red colour. Staggering backwards into his room, Hunter clapped a hand over his shocked face and gasped, feeling his legs give way as he sat on the end of the bed. Nearly collapsing back onto his bed he felt tears well up at the corners of his eyes.

"H-Hans? Är det verkligen du?"

The singer's words were rasped; his throat suddenly dry. He wanted to run. This wasn't real.

Aarne squeezed past Rik and Hans to help Hunter to make sure he didn't fall as he made his way to somewhere to sit. The drummer hugging their singer as his eyes went glassy. "It's alright doll."

Aarne tells him and then whispers. "Vars brought him to visit us because we miss him a lot."

There wasn't any lie there. Rik glances at Hans and then Billy. "Can you handle your brother?"

Rik worried about the bitching and jealousy making things worse for Hunter and Hans both. He gave Billy's hand a squeeze before turning back to Hans. "Lets go sit?"

Hunter couldn't speak. All he could do was look wide-eyed up at Hans. His past lover that had been everything to him and who was now inside of his hotel room along with his band members. He clutched onto Aarne's arm and began crying, just burying his face in the Fin's arm, not knowing how to react. All the emotion of near losing Hans just now crashing down onto the singer.

Billy felt bad for Hunter and just nodded to Rik, knowing he'd have to take Gilly somewhere so that both Swedes could talk. It would be difficult for them both but he knew it would have to be done.

Hans just stood there stunned whilst Hunter cried. He too was now sniffing with silent tears rolling down his own cheeks. He couldn't help it. The trauma was pulling at him from inside. All the emotion now spilling out. The usual stoic guitarist reduced to sniffling like a child. Hans did indeed sit down on a nearby chair close to the bed, just not knowing what to say.

Aarne wrapped his arms around Hunter to let him cry it out. He gave Rik a knowing look because this might take some time. The men needed to go at their own pace and the two younger band members were their for support and to help them feel safe.

Rik sat there with Hans stroking his hair like he was a child that needed comfort. The young guitarist had been the one crying on Hans before, when he was younger, it was only fair to offer the same support now. Both the boys waiting for the older band members to come around.

Hans wanted to reach out and touch Hunter's arm or any part of the younger Swede because it hurt just sitting watching the man break down. Nearly three years of no contact and it was all coming back in floods of emotion for both men. Billy was ready to usher his younger brother out of the room once he got out of the shower and dressed. Taking him downstairs to the bar would be the best idea.

"I wanted to see you again, Hunter. It's been too long and---I'm your friend."

The guitarist gently reached over to touch Hunter's knee, hoping the touch wouldn't cause the singer to flee. Hunter sniffed onto Aarne's now soaked arm and looked up through his ruined make-up. His eyeliner smudged and his hair a mess. The touch felt welcome as he grabbed Hans' hand and squeezed gently.

"Jag har saknat dig också. Det var ett efter att jag lämnade dig. Mitt hjärta var tomt länge. Det fanns ingen annan."

Hunter using his native tongue, knowing that both Rik and Aarne would understand.

Rik and Aarne didn't say anything, only watched the two men. They knew the closeness that was shattered. Inside Rik was worried because he would be seeing Ollie soon. Would their meeting be like this too, a mess of tears and fear of contact. He hoped not.

"Do you two want us to leave?" He asks gently because he's unsure if the two wanted the support or privacy. Rik himself had no idea what he would want in a similar situation.

"No, don't leave, blomma. Having you and Aarne here it---it helps."

Hunter slipping back into English because Billy was with them and it would be rude to keep him out of it since he was here in support too. The Brit guitarist just glancing over back towards the bathroom wondering when Gilly would emerge from the shower. Hans wiped at his face with the back of his large hand and then caressed Hunter's knee.

"You three are helping being here for me and Hunter. Please, stay."

Hans squeezing Billy's arm then moving to pat both Aarne and Rik on the shoulder. They would all get through this together.

"Then we'll stay." Rik encouraged while leaning into Hans' side. It would mean both men were being snuggled by the younger ones.

Aarne leaned in and grinned while trying to lighten the mood. "I promise to wait to prank the two of you until you stop crying." He teases and gives Hunter a hug around the shoulders. They would stay until whatever time they were needed though Rik reached out and took Billy's hand, giving it a squeeze. Even if they hid it well there's a lot of emotions for the younger men, heartache and loss that might align with a family broken by divorce. It had felt a little like that when they were younger and the two looked after them. Aarne was better with his emotions but Rik felt things like this more acutely. He would probably need Billy later in the night when his own heartache surfaced.

This was good. Both Hans and Hunter wanted the boys there with them while they rode out their emotional rollercoaster together. The first meeting after years apart was always going to be the hardest especially after a near death experience for the older Swede. Hunter sniffed and then heard some movement behind coming out of the bathroom. It must be Gilly.

Billy got up and then noticed the blond drummer stepping out of the shower luckily he was dressed in some pants at least. He didn't have a shirt but that didn't stop Billy sliding and arm around his brother and leading him towards the door of the hotel room.

"Come on, let's get some drinks, Gilly! I think Erik is playing a prank downstairs on Ronno. You wouldn't want to miss that, would you?"

The blond drummer not even getting the chance to pick up a shirt as he was now being shoved towards the door by his older brother, Gilly looking confused. Was he about to tart? Possibly. He huffed and then the tarty twins were gone with Billy leading the tartmouth away. It just left Hans, Hunter with Aarne and Rik.

It took a lot for Rik to not burst out laughing at how Billy was treating his brother. It was a miracle that there wasn't any tarting to happen. Once the two were gone, both Rik and Aarne settled in to just listen and support their bandmates because even if Hans wasn't in the band still the boys thought of him as a bandmate. Years didn't change that closeness.

Hans felt like laughing a little at Billy's attempt to usher his younger brother out of the room. It was cute. The older Swede feeling some of the tears dry on his face as he wiped at it. He still had his hand attached to Hunter's knee as he moved it up to clasped the singer's hand softly.

"Kul att se dig igen, Hunter. Mitt hjärta värkte efter dig när du åkte. Den dagen på sjukhuset kändes det som om jag dog där inne."

The singer's brown eyes watering up once more at his past lover's words. Hunter had to leave because he blamed himself. For all the unwanted attention in the streets from thugs who took pleasure in beating up feminine men. Queers they called them. Weirdos and sickos. Hunter wanted Hans to be safe but all he had brought was pressure from society. At least that's what he had thought for all these years.

"Jag vill vara din vän. Även om du har en ny man nu tror jag att du är modig och en bra man."

Han's words caused the singer to pull the guitarist into a hug.

All the two did was support and listen. Neither of the younger musicians wanted to interfere with the healing. However, what was the guitarist and singer hugging soon became a group hug.

Aarne was the one that spoke up as he nestled into Hunter's back but his eyes were on Hans and how Rik had put his arms around the guitarist. "We've missed having both of you here with us."

It was true and whether that helped or not, Aarne knew it needed to be said.

New Beginnings and rekindling an old flame.

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